Glad to be Home.

Posted on Tue Jul 4th, 2017 @ 5:22pm by

2,077 words; about a 10 minute read

Mission: Unknown Life, Unknown Dangers
Location: Quarters

Xavier had only managed to run some preliminary tests on the sample that was brought back, so far it seemed pretty unremarkable at first glance but a deeper look revealed cells, lifeless but they were there none the less. He put the sample back into stasis while he considered what step to take next and let the others know that nobody else is to touch the sample without his expressed approval.

For the remainder of the day all Xavier could really think about is what BJ had told him, that she loved him. It was not what he expected to her but not only was he happy about it but also because she saw he was different and wanted that. In his distraction he'd forgotten to take off his white medical jacket so when he walked in through the doors to his shared quarters he spoke. "BJ, you home?"

"In the bedroom, babe!" BJ's voice called out.

When he came in, BJ lay on his bed wearing a white and green jacket which was open to reveal a purple bra, a black short skirt and stockings. She had dyed her hair purple and looked up at him with a smile. "Hello, handsome," she said.

"Well hello there." There was no hiding the long, drawing look he gave her, large smile and a mind filling with thoughts. "You look....incredible." Even the word fell short but she looked hot.

She pushed herself up and got off the bed to move over to him. She wrapped her arms around his waist and layed her head on his shoulder. "I'm so glad you're back, Xav," she said, her voice soft. "I waited for that Security alert for hours, praying it wouldn't come."

He held onto her as she hugged him. "I told you I would be careful and I was. I only did prelim testing and that didn't reveal much beyond single cells. It's in stasis again." A moment of silence fell between them. "So, what's with the very appealing and attractive outfit?"

"For you, my love," BJ said as she moved to give him a long, slow, soft kiss. "Do you like it?"

"Adore it." He replied softly. "Every bit of it."

"Good," she said as she released him. "I was really hoping for something to distract you from that work."

"Well you have accomplished that." Xavier said tracing his finger along the top of her bra cup up towards her shoulder. "And what can your most humble servant do for you tonight?"

BJ shivered, but shook her head and met his eyes. "Xavier, I don't need or want a servant. You're all I want. Just you."

"Then what can I do for you?" Xavier smiled. Coming home to BJ was a daily pleasure in life that he was enjoying ever so much. A woman that loved him and was not in the least bit afraid to show it, be it by action, dressing up or being herself he never felt like he was falling short with her.

"Just be yourself, Xav," she said. "That's all I've ever asked for."

"I can do that." Xavier put his arm around her bringing her close to especially enjoy the view. "Have you eaten yet?" He asked feeling hungry himself.

"No," BJ said as she leaned against him. "I'm not really hungry. After being on the Civic and seeing that stuff come to life..."

Xavier took her into both arms and held her against him, if he could wrap around he and protect her he would have but she wouldn't want that, she didn't run from danger. He would always support her goals and that which she wants to do. "How about a shower or something?" Not that he wanted to ruin the effort she put in dressing up for him, but wanted to help and put her at ease.

"I already took three," she said. "Even though I was wearing the environmental suit, it still made my skin crawl." She looked at him. "Xavier, I have fought Jem'hadar hand to hand in a jungle, I've been on SAR missions on alien worlds that tried to kill me. I've seen more than your average officer...but that creeped me out."

"Well the Commodore destroyed the ship, so we are safe now." Bar that sample in Sickbay but that was in stasis, it was not going anywhere. "How about, I take my coat off and we lay down, cuddle, talk and plan for later when the mood strikes us?"

"You need to get something to eat and out of those clothes," BJ said. "I'm just being stupid. I don't care if that ship was destroyed or not. I brought a sample of it back."

"You are not being stupid BJ." Xavier cupped her cheeks in his hands. "The BJ I know doesn't do that." He hugged her again with a sigh wishing he could take her woes away. "Let me change and I'll cook something. You though, can stay just as delightful as you are." He winked.

"Get changed," she said. "I don't plan on going anywhere tonight. I just want to be near you."

Xavier changed out of his uniform into something more comfortable. She needed him and he would be there for her. He understood being a Doctor the comfort that presence could give, in this case he could also touch that would only add to what he was trying to provide for her. When he walked out of the bedroom he was changed and walked to her again.

BJ smiled when she saw him and got up from the couch where she had been sitting. "Now, what are you hungry for?" she asked him.

"Something light I think, not really in the mood for a filling heavy meal." He replied with a smile. He could see she was shaken by what she saw and what happened and as much as it worried him he would be there for her.

"How does cobb salad with salmon sound and a glass of red wine?" she asked as she headed over to the replicator.

"Sounds perfect." He answered smiling. "I'll set the table for us." He couldn't even begin to imagine the horrors seen on the Civic, he didn't want to. If it was enough to shake BJ up, then it would be worse for him.

BJ replicated the salad for him and got two glasses of red wine before she returned to the table. She set his salad and wine before him, then sat down with her wine. "There's really no need," she said. "I'm not that hungry."

Xavier could see it, almost feel that what happened really got to her. "Do you want to talk about it?" Behind closed doors the only person to hear would be him, much different than in Sickbay where it was a little more open to listening ears of others.

"What's to talk about?" she asked. "I was powerless to do a thing while one of the crew that I'm sworn to protect was killed and we couldn't even go back for her body before the ship was destroyed."

"You can't save them all BJ, even as a Doctor I can't save everyone no matter how hard you or I try." A softly spoken Xavier said. "All we can do is our best, at the moment, at the time and look back on it later with the same opinion. Having doubts or second guessing yourself won't help anyone, including yourself babe."

"I know, but it doesn't make it any easier, Xav," BJ said as she finished her wine and got up to get another glass. "It's my job to protect, not stand by helplessly and that's how I feel right now."

"But you did do something, you helped protect the rest of the away team." Xavier replied just as softly as before. "You did what you could in a situation forced upon you, don't blame yourself for what happened and who didn't make it." Xavier was trying to be supportive as best he could, he knew loss, he knew failure as he considered it when a patient died on the table. It was never an easy thing to swallow or accept.

"What I did was blow a hole in the side of the freighter and get out of it as quickly as possible with Commander O'Connell," she said. "I didn't even know if Commander Bawden and Ensign Wilson got out until I was beamed back to the ship."

Xavier was running out of options, it really seemed like BJ was intent on beating herself up over what happened. While he couldn't blame her, it also made him feel helpless. He finished his meal in relative silence, unsure what to say, uncertain what to do to make things better.

After she got another glass of wine, BJ returned to the table. "I'm just not used to a situation that I can't control or take control of Xav. I can understand that it happens, but it's never happened to me."

Her answer made him wonder, did that also include him? "I wish I knew what to say, but honestly I don't" He put his knife and fork together on the plate, sipped his wine and thought.

"I probably need to see a counselor," she said as she sat down by him. "I'm not much good if I can't trust my own judgement."

"The judgement is fine, you just try and carry the weight of the entire ship on the shoulders and it's too much. You lost one but saved many others. If you start questioning yourself now over one person, what will happen the next time, or the time after that. It's not healthy babe and I know you want to protect everyone, but you have to understand that its not always possible."

"It's what I do," BJ said as she drained her second glass of wine. "It's why I signed up. It's my reason for being in Starfleet to begin with. I took eighteen months of hell to complete Search and Rescue so I could save people. Not leave someone behind without even knowing they were dead before I left."

Xavier was close to giving up. She was intent on beating herself up and no matter what he said, it didn't sway her. It worried him because if losing a single person caused this much trouble for her, what happened when more than one was lost? What would happen if it was one of her security officers? What then?

She shook her head. "I'll figure something out," she said at last. "It's what I'm trained to do." She sounded defeated as she headed back to the replicator for another glass.

"I'll clear the table." Xavier spoke as he gathered the few things up and arranged them so he could carry them.

"I'm sorry if I'm not good company tonight," BJ said. "Maybe I should go sleep in my office tonight."

"No, you will go to bed, because I said so and I'm the Chief Medical Officer and that is what I prescribe." Xavier spoke standing there looking at her. "So control yourself to that bedroom, strip and into bed. I will be along right behind you."

She looked at him, then nodded. "You're probably right," she said. "Beyond that, I'm not sure of anything." With a sigh, she headed into the bedroom.

Xavier turned off the lights in the main room and followed BJ into the Bedroom where he began to change. He was not sure what else he could do, at least going to bed and sleeping was something she could control and he'd be happy to cuddle up with her and give her some measure of comfort.

In the bedroom, she stripped off her shirt and skirt and crawled under the covers. She turned to look at him. "I'm sorry that I'm not being easy, Xav," she said. "Sometimes, nothing is easy."

"If things were easy babe, they would not be worth doing." Xavier replied with a smile as he cuddled up next to her.

"That is so true," BJ said as she wrapped her arms around him. "And I'm lucky to have you."

"No, I still think I'm the lucky one." He smiled while holding her close to him in his arms.

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