Damning Thoughts

Posted on Tue Jan 10th, 2017 @ 8:18am by
Edited on on Tue Jan 10th, 2017 @ 8:19am

1,080 words; about a 5 minute read

Mission: New Faces and Terror Beyond
Location: Bawden's Quarters

I was sat on the sofa with a warm drink while Ayla did her thing to keep herself busy. She was hurting, I was hurting and so too was our remaining Daughter. I sat there thinking maybe had I been faster, had I missed some piece of evidence that could have saved time, had I overlooked something at a critical moment and this was my cruel punishment. Was I responsible for this?

This was destructive and I knew it but in a twisted form of way it helped me piece things together, the real question was would I like the end result? Together Ayla and I had packed everything of Marcie's, the containers lined the far wall in her room. I had no idea what to do with them, leave them there, storage, I didn't know so maybe Ayla knew or had some idea more than me.

I worried about the future, would this happen again? Am I the trigger of it? Has something altered in Ayla that now any time she becomes pregnant this happens?

Doctor Patrovski said he'd need to run tests on Ayla before he was called away on the mission down below, I couldn't help but wonder what he might find, if anything. All I wanted was for everything to sort itself, slip into line and go back to how things were.

"Can I get you something to eat? go out some place?" I asked Ayla wondering what she had in mind.

Ayla lost in her own little world at the moment. She was thinking of home world. Wondering if all Mousian Mothers suffered losses like she did. When Mark spoke, She focused on him. "Maybe wez need to get away from the ship for awhile." She looked at Marks. "Iz fine. Not hungry. But go ahead and make something for yoozself."

Ayla looked thoughtful for a few seconds more. "Wez could eat out in Ten Forward for dinner?"

"Yeah, lets get out of here and do that." It felt at the moment that Home was a tomb of reminders, nothing would change that but I just felt I had to get out. Unbury myself from the anger, rage, guilt and anguish that seemed to team in those rooms. "If you want to get away from the ship for a bit, you say the word and I'll put in some leave." I was serious, her world or mine, Risa or something totally different I really didn't care as long as it wasn't here.

"Squeah!" Ayla spoke in agreement. She took Mark's hand in hers. She lead from the quarters out into the corridor. "Iz put in for new quarters. Theyz may not be as privileged, nor luxurious as whot wez have now." Looking up at her Mate with love and worry.

"You are the First Officer, our quarters are second to the Captain, we cant change them because they are the First Officers. Everything you need is tied to there. No need to change quarters." I was a little edgy but the reason was obvious to anyone who knew.

Ayla looked up at him as they got on a turbolift, instead of hitting the closest intra-ship transporter. Once in private, she spoke. "Yooz think of requesting a transfer? Out with it, Mark." She spoke in a bit of demanding tone. "Or yooz want be single again, cause Iz am defective?"

I turned my head slowly in utter disbelief at what I just heard, I wasn't sure if it was shock or blind rage that prevented me from reacting straight away. I looked at her hard and somewhat coldly. "Halt turbolift." She wanted out with it, fine I'll give it to her. "Ever since this happened all I have thought about is that its in some way my fault? When you were taken did I look at all the clues? Did I miss something critical at a vital moment that might have helped me get to you faster?"

I was seething, I just couldn't believe what she said. "Do you think so little of me, so lowly of me that you'd think I'd want someone else just because of this. Let me tell you something sweetheart and you better listen damn well with those big mousian ears of yours because I'm only going to say this once....." There could be no misunderstanding in what I was about to say. "I love you for you. I can't change the past but I can damn well stand here and tell you that I'm going to stay here for the future. Now I'm going to be here, I'm still going to keep loving you and if I'm being frank I plan to give Miracle a baby brother or sister. I will not let this tear us up, the real question is....are you?" Well, she wanted it....there it was.

Ayla listened to Mark speak as he blew up on her. At first she couldn't believe her ears what she was hearing. But the loneliness and sense of loss within her fled with each angry word from her mate's mouth. "Oh Squell No!" She grabbed his shirt front digging in her claws into the fabric. Pulling her lighter frame and weight up to where she could be eye to eye to him. "Wez have gone through too much hell already to tear us apart." She kissed him passionately. "Yooz sure, cause Iz sure! It would take more than death to separate uz."

"As for quarters. Iz would be happy even in barracks shared by others as long as wez are together. Even a closet sized room of the junior grades would be fine. Iz want yooz happy and ..." Her voice loss some of it fire filling with love for him at his declaration. "and part of mez life always."

I held her tight to me, I could feel her body against me, her curves and all against me. I was serious about giving Miracle another sibling, I was not going to let this tear us up but nor was I wanting to let this put our lives on hold. "Lets get something to eat, we can talk more when we get home." I had to admit that passionate kiss was just the thing I needed and left me wanting more.

Ayle held onto Mark just as tightly. She enjoyed the firm masculine body of her Mate and felt his attraction for her. "Definitely," She responded softly as she hugged him.

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